4 days after ......

I know what i did wrong to make you sad.. and also i know what made it worse... 
After that day i feel so bad., and the next day even worse, and longer days more worse, because when i think of why and what i did make me feel so stupid and bad and guilty because i know from before...

And what made me more want to hit myself is how you behave afterwards... even after this, your still with me go out nearly everyday, but just a bit cool towards me...................i felt  both feelings, so happy your so good and. ai don't know how to say in words, and the other feeling is feel very bad.. 
Everytime i am with you i try to make the atmosphere happy, not sure if you noticed... I also trying to make a new habit to be patience with you.. And the only time i wasn't patience with you is i think the morning or the next day when i said my favorite saying to you.... haha...  I promise you I will try my best to not use the favorite saying and also be patience.  ok?

There was few occasions while we are out, that I just wanted to explode infront of you...  explode as in hug you , talk , explain and cry... the hardest time was while at the japanese noodle restaurant in shatin..  I was trying to hold myself at the beginning already with mixed feelings.  then what made it worse is the song they played which bought up sad moments.. and happy..  I just wanted to leave the place at that moment.and trying to hide my face from you.  But i think you knew, you tried to distract me from the song and tell me try your noodle... i just can't explain in words what i feel now.  Maybe what i could say that i know how to say in words is , how can i treat you like that...

i know you don't want to talk about it because afraid the same thing again, you loose and same old excuses... but i think this time i will be a new me ga la.... i already admit i am wrong.... plus its nothing you did wrong.. i think at the end one day we still need to face a conversation about this... i just wait until your ready.. but i want to give you confidence that it won't be the same ga la.. trust me.....

I guess also why this time is so differenet is because i am staying at my dad's place now. and gives us more time to think / reflect and calm down...

ai can't get too detail here la...

I love you